So I'm sitting in my room and I hear Henry thrashing about, slamming dresser drawers very suddenly. Thought it was odd because he's sick again and went to bed early. Walk into his room to check on him, and he's naked and screaming and standing on his bed throwing everything off of the bed. He makes eye contact with me, picks up his iPad, and then stands frozen for a second. And I'm like, "Woah Henry what is going on?" but he's not really there... and he hurls the iPad and I try to approach him and he runs and screams and then starts yelling nonsense. It was just a night terror... you know... he had a fever, but what I didn't expect was that his night terror would trigger a panic attack in me. And even though I was grounded and kind of like trying to calm him down... I was at the same time having to try to calm myself down. What a mess.
I just tested negative again today but I am not convinced it will stick. I've been quarantined for like a week now and am feeling over it.
They also announced yesterday that the gym I sometimes go to, the Athaneum, will be closing. I really didn't like this place to start, but over the past few months, it's kind of grown on me in a charming sort of way. Like the building is super old and the equipment is old too and it's small and kind of cramped... but it's a very chill place. And I kind of hate knowing it's going away, because it was one of the few places where I just kind of felt like I belonged, like a gym for underdogs or something.
I finished reading Cynthia Bond's Ruby last night and jesus christ that was a tragic book. Like I felt like a sense of understanding from reading it of how scary it is to be black. To just exist as a black person. The hypervigilance and it made me realize how much society others us and keeps us from finding each other.