I was in Time Out Market tonight as this guy probably in his 50s, probably Japanese American, performed covers of old songs by James Taylor and Billy Joel. He asked where I was from. And then a bit later said to the crowd that these songs were probably too old for some of us to remember, specifically me. I felt this compulsive need to leave. I didn't want to risk sticking around, this guy going off stage eventually and hitting on me. Would that have happened? Who knows. But how am I about to turn 41 next week and there's still a piece of me who feels threatened when men try to flirt with me as if I were either in grave danger or like I'm morally disobedient for strangers showing any positive attention towards me. I'm such a goddamn mess.
I took the train up to Kyoto today and went to Arashiyama to visit the bamboo groves. It was so brutally hot and there were so many other tourists but the locals were actually really pleasant and it was a nice peaceful little walk despite being crowded. I visited a couple of temples and just really enjoyed how meticulously kept the gardens were. Okochi Sanso, a garden, had a little open-air team room that served calpis and I really liked it, shockingly. It's a little like kefir kind of? Fermented milk.
I haven't been able to write much while in Japan. I think it's because I'm processing too much input to have steady output. Maybe when I get home, it'll improve. It may also be because I'm 10 days into no weed since it's illegal here and seemingly strictly enforced (I don't know that I saw any sign of it being enforced but I do know an olympic athlete went to prison over it earlier this year so not exactly a FAFO kind of thing).
When I was in Tokyo still, I found a bookstore in Shibuya that had a book called No Longer Human. It was written in 1948 by a man named Osamu Dazai, who I am pretty sure was autistic the way he describes the protagonist of his book, a man who experiences alienation so profoundly... and it just feels too familiar to me. I know a lot of people say that, but I suspect a lot of people might read this book and really not feel a connection to it while also feeling its sadness too. I feel so emotionally numb while here though--like I'm here but I'm not. Back in the US, it just feels like the country is rapidly descending further into fascism and part of me wonders what waits for me back there.
I accidentally bought uncooked edamame beans today, lol. I spent more than 1 minute thinking about how I could maybe cook them from a hotel room.
I picked an unripe persimmon from a tree at Osaka Castle. It's sitting on a counter in my room right now--I hope it ripens before I leave.